I wear the hijab during my 5 years of secondary school at Kolej tun Datu Tuanku Haji Bujang. And I continued to wear it during my 3 years studying Computer Science (Multimedia) at Universiti Teknologi Malaysia Kuala, Kuala Lumpur campus. That's about it. When I go out, I didn't wear it. Many Muslim girls were like that during that time.
I married my husband as soon as I graduated with my Diploma and I still remember my conversation with my husband when I asked him to stop smoking. He said he will stop but he wanted me to wear the hijab. I told him, I will wear it when I turn to 30 years old. At that time, I was 21 years old. I don't wear short skirt or short pants outside, it's just that I don't cover my head. Until...
Last week, on Saturday, 15th June 2013, I just finished my confinement days after giving birth to my 7th baby. My husband was sleeping after finished packing his stuff. He was going to Johore for Operasi Kastam. He was going for two weeks. I was very worried about his safety because he needs to deal with smuggling and things. I watched him while he was sleeping. He changed earlier this year where he loves to listen to religious talk in the radio, he wants us to pray the 5 prayers in congregation (jemaah). When I told him about the virtues in pregnancy in Islam, he replied, "It's even better if you wear a hijab." I just brushed him off and he didn't bring up the hijab matter again.
So, as I lay down and nursing baby Daria, I kept on watching my husband's face. He seems so peaceful and aging gracefully (he's 10 years older than me). I felt so much in love with him, and I can feel the love empowering me, just by watching him sleeping. I remembered listening to one of the ustaz (can;t remember which ustaz) giving talk in the tv saying,"Whenever you felt like you are out of love or started to hate your spouse, try watch their face while they are sleeping. If you feel nothing, you TRULY don't have any love feeling towards them anymore. But if you feel something, THAT is TRUE LOVE".
I talk to myself. What have I done wrong to my husband? What can I do to show my love to him? Suddenly, out of nowhere, I remember about something that i read from my friend's Facebook's status, It clearly stated about husbands have to carry their wives sins including not covering the aurat because as soon as a Muslim man and woman gets married, the man is responsible to guide his wife and children according to the Islam's way of life and teaching.
A man’s responsibility for taking care of his family is a comprehensive one. Hence, the husband is responsible for his wife's and children's negligence of their religious duties towards Almighty Allah. The Muslim man must be staunch in making his family stick to Allah's teachings in every aspect of their lives.
Responding to your question, , professor of the Principles of Islamic Jurisprudence at the University of Jerusalem, states the following:
“The Muslim man's responsibility for his wife and children is a huge one. In fact, a man's responsibility in that regard starts before marriage. When it comes to marriage, a Muslim man should be keen on choosing a religious and moral woman to marry. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) is reported to have said: (Reported by Al-Bukhari and Muslim.)
Unfortunately, on taking the decision of marriage, many youths pay no attention to the religious aspect of their would-be wives. Instead, they place great importance on the wife’s beauty, family status, career and the like. Only a small number of Muslims care about choosing religious wives and this, in fact, is a great blessing Allah bestows on them.
Hence, Muslim men should be keen on choosing religious wives. This does not mean they are to disregard the other aspects such as beauty and social status. These other aspects are also to be taken into account, but not at the expense of the religious one.
By choosing their wives on a religious basis, men will guarantee that their children will be brought up to be good and religious persons.
This proves that the responsibility of men towards their wives and children is a great one. Allah Almighty says: (At-Tahrim: 6)
According to this verse, men are ordered to protect themselves and their families from the Hellfire. They are to do so by ordering them to abide by the teachings of Islam in all respects of their lives. Ibn `Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) said: “Obey Allah and ward yourselves by not committing the sins He has forbidden. Order your children to stick to the orders of Islam and avoid its prohibitions; this will ward them from the Hellfire.”
Based on this, husbands are to enjoin their wives to dress according to the teachings of Islam. If husbands did not do so, they would be sinful; and if they did, but their wives did not observe this, it would be the wives who would be sinful. The wives then would be regarded as disobedient to Allah’s orders and disobedient to their husbands, for women’s wearing lawful clothes (on going outside their homes) is a religious obligation like prayer and fasting. Allah Almighty says: (Al-Ahzab: 59).
Men are equally responsible for guiding their children. Muslim fathers are to bring up their children to be true Muslims. They should inculcate in them how to abide by the teachings of Islam, especially regarding prayer, fasting, and good morals. Allah Almighty says: (Taha: 132).
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) is reported to have said: (Reported by Abu Dawud and At-Tirmidhi.)
Hence, fathers have to teach their children, males and females, the rulings of prayer. To encourage their children further in this respect, fathers can take their sons with them to Mosques when they reach seven, so that they get used to observing the congregational prayer. Likewise, fathers should train their children to perform fasting. This will make it easy for children to observe the acts of worship and obedience when they become legally responsible for them.
If fathers neglect inculcating such teachings in their children from the beginning, it will be difficult for them to reform this when their children grow up.
Therefore, fathers should realize how responsible they are towards their families. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said in that regard: (Agreed upon by Al-Bukhari and Muslim.)
Based on the above, if fathers neglected their duties towards their families in that respect, it would be as if they were throwing their families in the Fire, for they were not keen on protecting them from that end as Allah Almighty ordered them.”
I istighfar and I quickly grabbed my Z10 (mother's day gift from hubby) and googled more about the aurat, husband and wife's responsibility. I even found one website posting about hadith for women:
1) the women who dies when her husband is pleased with her shall enter Jannah. Observe how easily woman may enter Jannah.2) Prophet (s) said that a women engaged in her household duties attains the position of fighting in the path of Allah (jihad)!!!
3) Prophet mentioned, to assist your wives household chores will obtain for you reward of sadaqah. Look how much emphasis is stressed for the giving of comfort to ones wife. The shariah has made it easy for us to attain Jannah.4) Prophet said that women who regularly perform 5 daily salaah and observe there ramadhan, protects her modesty, obeying and fulfilling the wishes of her husband, will enter Jannah through whichever door she pleases.
5) the prophet said Oh women, whenever one of you is impregnated by your husband who is pleased with you, u receive such reward, as one fasting in the path of Allah or remains awake during the night and when she begins labour then the inhabitants of the sky and earth pray for the coolness of her eyes i.e meaning comfort. When she gives birth, then not even one drop of her milk is discharged nor is the child suckled once from her breast but for every drop or suckle she is rewarded, and because of the child she has to stay up at night she gets rewarede for fereeing 70 slaves in the path of Allah.6) for women hajj is there jihad.
7) after finishing breastfeeding her child angels congratulate you on your shoulders and all your previous sins are forgiven.
After that, I googled for online hijab store and I was surprised to see so many types of hijab. Some are according to the syariah and some are not. I promised myself to cover my aurat according to syariah and I don't want to take things for granted. I stop doing research at 2am.
After my husband went to the airport to fly to Johore, I perform the Subuh prayer and I pray to Allah to ease my way to my hijrah. I was still having doubt because I felt that I was going to wear the hijab because of my husband, and not because of Allah. I google about those things to but I succeed to kill those doubts after reading this words by somebody; it's okay to do things that are compulsory in Islam by force because sooner or later you will do it sincerely. I felt so light after reading that because I was 100% sure that I was given guidance (hidayah) by Allah.
I waited for my sister in law to wake up because I remember that she had a friend who has a shop selling muslimah attires. My sister in law was the first person who knew about my intention to wear hijab and she was so happy and agreed to go with me to her friend's shop. Before that, I called my husband. He just arrived at Kuala Lumpur before going to Johore at 4pm. I wanted to tell him on the phone but tears was streaming from my eyes. I didn't know why I felt so emotional and I told him that I have something important to tell him but I coudn't do it by the phone. I texted him. He was very encouraging. I told him that I have to buy hijabs and proper attires and that means that I need to do some serious shopping, and it might not be cheap because literally, I have to buy new wardrobe. My husband tells me that he's ok with it as long as I go on with my hijrah intention.
After lunch, my SIL and I, together with our children (9 of them - 7 from me), went to the shop at Piasau. The shop's name is Le'mari Collection. The owner is my SIL's schoolmate. She's very friendly and helpful and I straight away tell her about my story and she quickly suggests this and that. To cut the story short, I bought 5 hijabs, 5 long sleeves with buttons blouses (easy for me to nurse baby Daria) and one lycra denim skirt. I even bought 3 hijabs for my daughters. All in all, after discount, I paid RM430+-. It is definitely worth it and at that time, I managed to turn off syaitan's sedition, where at one point, I was having doubts about the choice of the blouses. After getting into the car, I felt a very huge relief and I know that I'm doing the right choice. Alhamdulillah.
I have a few advice to my sisters in Islam out there. I know I'm not an ustazah to do this kind of preaching, and it's only been a week since my first hijrah with hijab. But as a Muslim, we need to keep on reminding each other. For those of you who haven't cover their aurat, do the self muhasabah. If you feel like it's not the time, try to do research and some soul searching. Think about your husband and for those who are not married yet, think about your father because he is responsible on your aurat. I don't judge you for not wearing the hijab because I myself just wear it but I feel so grateful that my husband gets to see me wearing the hijab, showing that he is not burden with my sin for not covering my aurat. My love to my husband is priceless and I want to do anything that is parallel to Islam, in order to become a good Muslim wife, who Insya Allah, will become my husband's angel in Jannah. Amin.
Don't wait until your loved ones (husband or father) died because at that time, it will be too late for them and they have to answer Allah the almighty on their wives and daughters wrongdoing, and yes, that includes not covering the aurat.
Thank you ya Allah, for guiding me and giving me the chance to improve myself before it's too late. And thank you so much my dearest husband, for being the best husband that a woman can ask for. I love you so much with all my heart. May Allah bless our family and never stop guiding us. Amin.